Women in Prison Triple Feature
presented by Mr. Skin
Crazy sleaze. That was my first thought on picking up this triple feature. Women in showers nekkid and doin' the nasty all over the place along with some domineering dominatrix and probably a couple of rapo pig authority figures. While that is a horrible experience in real-life, when properly filmed by an inspired team like American International Pictures or Roger Corman, it can be a whole lot of Grindhouse cheesy exploitation fun. So I figured what the hell, I'll give it a shot and see if it rocks. It does... but not for the reasons I thought. More on that in the individual reviews, but the basics are that there are three films on two DVDs (one non-flipper double disc) all with trailers and introductions by Mr. Skin of www.mrskin.com. Good transfers, clear sound, a Cadillac loaded with trashy captives in various states of undress.
This is the one you wanted, camped up dialogue, catfights, lots of nudity, John Vernon gettin' it on in a hot tub with inmates at his prison. Sybil Danning. A couple of rape scenes, some girl on girl beatdowns, mean girls out for revenge and hellcat threat scenes, shower seduction, a script that has something to do with power plays between the guard captain and the warden. Its just what you expect and maybe a little more. Dancin' and romancin' on Cellblock B and shivery little Linda Blair bustin' out her big boobs and gettin' all doe-eyed before doin' a take charge number. Solid cinematography, decent script, heartfelt acting, girl power meets shakin' the moneymaker. If all three movies were just like this, you'd be really happy and gotten exactly what you expected out of the triple feature. They aren't all exactly like Chained Heat but if you're really a fan of exploitation flicks and not just looking for some low-budget bewbage, you're going to be happy anyways.
This (in my opinion) is the weakest of the three films, its kinda kinky though and if you dig on that whole slavic commie dominatrix in prison togs inyourfaceness that you usually only find hints of in bad soviet art films, you'll be diggin' on it. Plenty of sublimated tension. Better psychological torture than Chained Heat. More of Linda Blair's nay-nays as well as Sylvia Kristel and Sue Kiel's. A horrible industrial accident featuring an extra-sproingy nardclip. This is the movie that they would show on Skinemax back in the 80s on Wednesday night so that there'd be actual noodidity but not so exciting that it overshadows their Friday night feature. Its a sleeper, chances are it won't be your favorite movie of all time, but the acting is decent as these things go and they're trying to set a tone of East German repression and KGB tyranny. And what would a coldwar flick be without some wannabee rambos. Lesbian tension, probably the first on-screen daisychain in an R-rated feature (just a split-second probably edited from a longer scene), and if you're a sociopath wanting to see an American college gal fucked with hard by a bunch of simmering commie cooze, you'll love it. Still, its worth seeing, like it tries to move beyond simple exploitation and doesn't quite make it but at least they tried.
OMG. Telemundo-verite. This is the movie you catch the last half of in the middle of the morning or at 3 am on your local Spanish-language station. What it lacks in noodidity it makes up for in chicks with guns and really bad telenovela horseplay and cokelords and helicopters and hong-kong sized squibs. Jawdropping badness of the moar moovii naow variety. This movie has nothing going for it scriptwise or cinematography-wise, but it doesn't matter, plenty of shit gets blowed up, 1 snake attack, incredible talent in the form of Paul L. Smith, John Vernon, and the great Woody Strode in a role that probably involved gambling debts. Sybil Danning is also featured in a role less powerful than the one she played in Chained Heat. One time, I was flipping around on the tube at 10 in the morning on a Wednesday and a biker gang is terrorizing a bunch of ranchero farmers with a smoking hot daughter and one of the farmers blasts a biker's head to exploding goo with a shotgun. This film is probably written by the same people. It features one hell of an aggressive rape scene, but for the most part the gals keep their clothes on. Somehow it doesn't matter though. Smoke a bowl, text some friends or something during the first half and once the first head is severed, put on the ludovico eyeclamps and sit back for some sweet, sweet straight to cable fare that will have you downloading the animated gif software as soon as the horrible theme song closes the movie. This is a gem.