Doc Martian's Lounge: my favorite query letter.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

my favorite query letter.

Subj: Funktacular Reviews

There is nobody in the world that can review your action the way I can. Send me some stuff
to review, i'll put my signature stank on it. that's muh favorite review, but then, i had some room to stretch out. i'll get just as loosey goosey with reviews of your albums, but send me a mess of them (so i don't have to play favorites). check it out, my suggestion, for an optimal review (as well as cross-affiliated reviews for newer stuff as you release it, (imagine the massive brain trust of retardation that i can lay on those badboys given a mighty background work to draw psychic cornerstones from 'kiss and iggy beat up led zeppelin'-styley)) would be for ya'll to send me like the whole funkadelic catalog (or the whole parliament catalog). I'll rant and rave until my fingers drop off, you'll be like i did'n know sir nose d'void of funk owned a yacht and played yahtzee and drank yachtermeister while singing yachta-yachta-yachta by frank yankovic. yes. what i've done for iggy and nashville pussy i can do for you.

now, if yer strapped fer stuff to send to wacko reviewers and want to not antagonize your wreckord company... then maybe you ought to just send me a couple of your next releases as they are released. but were *I* George Clinton... and who's to say that someday i won't be; i'd take a chance on a crazy kid (take a chance on the kid, harry. Hen-RYY, coming mother! yeh, take a chance on him, you boogerschniztzer from planet whackadoom!) and send me a whole messa funkaparlimeclinton action to review. you'd have the right to quote or utilize my reviews in any form that does not conflict with where i make MY money (i.e. journalistic or literary or book publication for dollar) but can use them in your liner notes, in-house rags, or ads, interviews, websites or virtually anything else that you desire. YES! you can whipe your ass with them, but i advise you print them out on something absorbent, xerox paper would just smear it all up your backside.

that said,
please send me anything you'd like reviewed (and yes, i do en masse reviews (but separated to highlight each individual product that needs reviewin'.)) to
Doc Martian (aka Kevin Anderson)
##-### #$*#$(#**#($ St.
#($*(#$, CA #####-####


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