the sirens - the sirens
ain't nothing i can tell these girls. they know how badass they are... they also know that i love them.... i'd crawl across broken glass for them.... i'd slice i love you muffy on my tongue with a rusty butterknife for them. now. the music. it's incredible. it smokes and is hypnotic. it's like your first taste of a really good scotch... layers upon layers slowly reveal themselves... all with deeper layers to come. their roots? somewhere between punk and noise and glam and dunderheaded metal.... it all shows... it's all beautiful. they do tasty covers of stuff like gud bye t'jane by slade and glycerine queen by suzi quatro.... but what stands out most is that they're having fun... a mess of fun... so much fun that they'd destroy folks who claim that they're rockers that aren't... these ladies have been through dozens of bands between them... more then i care to count... but one of them rang a special bell with me a few years back.... the gore-gore girls.... i believe two of these ladies did time with that gal group. like they came down out of the wall of sound thing they were doing there to a wall of drums/bass and gitars. and muffy. muffy is like a freakin' goddess... move over nina hagen... i've found love... i'm going to pack my gitar up... take my pants off... steal my mom's car and drive to colorado before i run out of gas... then? i'm going to hope that i can coast down the continental divide to detroit without having to brake too much and when i get there? i'm going to ask muffy if she'll get drunk with me. i'll even bring my own bottle of scotch.
it isn't all muffy though.... it's about miss shelly pumpin on fat bass, melody licious on fuzzed out gitar, double-d bustin' on power chord drums and now (even though she's not represented on this album) baby ruth dolled up in hotpants with her axe. any one of these girls could make your brain melt..... all of them together in total fantasy gear is enough to make even the most jaded record buyer consider how many crappy albums he's bought from pinheaded guys trying to be the next mick jagger. speaking of miss jagger, if you buy his latest hunk of crap instead of this album.... elvis and gene vincent are going to come back from their respective afterlifes and gun you down like the dufus you are.
what? you want more? ok. here's more... these ladies dressed up in evel kineval gear, them dressed up like the cutters from 'breakin' away' them dressed up in birthday cakes (believe it) them dressed up like hottie devil dolls with flames lickin' up their wazoos...them dressed up like gangsters, prisoners, indians and even road warriors. interested yet? you should be... if you aren't? go buy some stupid diva album and watch beaches.
muffy. moaning. sounding like the vibrator is in tip-top condition and you're in the motel room next door wishing you had a suite door. i can't focus on muffy though... my brain would melt... it's all i can do not to pray to the dark gods that created her for power to teleport to her bedroom and grant me a fat ass motorcycle with evil lights glowing all ufo like on it. for what? to be her suitor... or at least her boytoy fer the night.
yes... she's blonde... she's leggy... and she wears 18 inch platform transmuters that i can just imagine planted firmly in my chest as i lick her calves. that doesn't mean that any of the rest of the band are any less to die for... it just means that i've been singing for enough years that i can't escape her hypnotic rhythms... even if the fuzz would quit. their songs are completely perfect. their image is flawless. their beat is mindnumbingly cool. their record is beautiful. their covers have mad flavor. we're talkin' johnnie walker blue label here. they best be gettin' some major label attention soon or i'm goin' huntin' record exec. the high point? for me? cruisin' down the road blastin' hellraiser.. from the ep that muffy herself (pant, drool) stuck on a cd for me. the low point? there is none... even the least notable songs on this 12 song album have humor, power, rhythm, and sex behind them; and isn't that what rock'n'roll is all about.